By Blake Ragsdale | Editor
Sam Bowling leans over the back of the couch. He would sit, but there’s no room for him among the three women or the photo albums scattered across the sofa and their laps. He is content to look over their shoulders while his wife Robin, daughter Olivia, and Olivia’s birth mother, Noelle, laugh and reminisce as they pore over a lifetime of family photos.
To see the closeness between Noelle and Olivia, now 22 and a new college graduate, you would think that the two had always known each other. Olivia only met her birth mother two years ago.
“It was just like we had known each other forever, and we were never apart,” Olivia shares.
Olivia’s decision to meet Noelle has created a beautiful portrait of family, where moments like sifting through photos from Olivia’s childhood now feel remarkably normal. It is also the result of a life-changing decision made more than two decades earlier, when 16-year-old Noelle found herself unexpectedly pregnant.
A teenager facing an unplanned pregnancy
A junior in high school, Noelle kept her pregnancy secret from her parents, the teachers at the Christian school she attended, and others who knew her well. What Noelle had locked away within herself was known by only one classmate: the teen father of her unborn baby.
“We kept it a secret until the night before my senior year,” Noelle remembers. “We cried. We did not know what to do.”
The high school couple feared what might happen when her pregnancy was revealed, particularly at their Christian school. That fear led Noelle and her boyfriend to consider terminating the pregnancy.
“We’re two teenagers talking about abortion because we were scared. We were so afraid to tell anyone,” Noelle shares. “All you want is for your life to go back to the way it was the day before you found out you were pregnant.”
The teens waited until she was too far along for abortion to remain an option. When the truth became impossible to keep hidden any longer, Noelle found herself expelled from school.
She finally confided in her mother and father. Unsure what to do, Noelle’s mother made an appointment with a center that could provide them with options.
“They gave us a couple of brochures,” Noelle recalls. “One of them was for Christian Adoption Services (CAS).”
Finding Christian Adoption Services
A ministry of BCH, CAS provided the support Noelle and her family desperately needed. From their initial meeting with staff, Noelle and her family found comfort and reassurance.
“From the get-go, they were loving and caring and understanding. They knew that our world was falling apart,” Noelle says. “When faced with a very big decision, nothing felt better than knowing that God was going to be a part of that.”
Through the support and counseling of staff, Noelle made an adoption plan for her unborn daughter.
“She said it was hard, but she knew that it was the right thing because she didn’t feel like she would be able to give me the life that she wanted me to have,” Olivia says. “She wanted me to have more opportunities and experiences and everything that she knew that she wouldn’t be able to give me.”
CAS works directly with Christian couples who desire to be adoptive parents. At the same time, they come alongside each birth mother, like Noelle, as she considers and ultimately chooses a family for her child.
“Knowing that God was at the center of my decision was comforting,” Noelle remembers. “My focus became what was best for my baby.”
The process allowed Noelle to help choose the parents for her child, a couple named Sam and Robin Bowling.
Choosing an adoptive family
The Bowlings had three sons but had longed to add a daughter to their family.
“It was a path that Sam and I felt we had been on since when we dated,” Robin shares. “We decided we would adopt a baby, a little girl who needed a family.”
Because Robin had a connection with Sheryl Naylor at CAS, the Bowlings went through the process and became a waiting family. A CAS waiting family has been approved to adopt and provides information and photos that are compiled into a family profile album. These albums give birth mothers an intimate look at the CAS families waiting to adopt. It was the Bowlings’ profile album that first captured Noelle’s attention, ultimately leading her to choose them as Olivia’s forever family.
With the Bowlings affirmed, the couple and Noelle agreed to a semi-open adoption, choosing to maintain some privacy. In this arrangement, updates, letters, and special gifts can be shared but are mediated through CAS.
A semi-open adoption and twenty years of ornaments
After Noelle gave birth to Olivia, Sam and Robin arrived at the hospital a short time later to meet the baby who would become their daughter. Sam and Robin shared heartfelt words that were exactly what a teenage Noelle needed in that moment, words she still carries with her today.
“They told me that they would teach Olivia to pray and that she would always pray for me,” Noelle shares. “They said she would know that she was loved and that this decision of adoption was always God’s plan.”
“We love Noelle,” Robin says. “Sam and I knew the adoption was God’s leading. We had peace from the beginning and we weren’t afraid to show Noelle our love.”
As Olivia grew, the Bowlings wanted her to always know the story of her adoption and how deeply she was loved by everyone involved.
“I’ve always known. There was a photo of Noelle in my nursery,” Olivia says. “I called her my ‘tummy mommy.’”
Meeting her birth mother
The Bowlings and Noelle agreed that meeting her birth mom in person would be Olivia’s decision. Throughout Olivia’s life, Noelle was kept updated of her milestones and special moments. Noelle began sending gifts and cards for major events including school and athletic achievements, birthdays, and Christmases. She sent Olivia’s first Christmas tree ornament weeks after her birth.
“Every year she sends me an ornament, and she’ll put her name on it and put the date, and they’ll have different special meanings,” Olivia shares. “I have a whole tree in my room, and it’s mainly filled with ornaments from Noelle.”
Along with the reminders of her birth mom, the faith Sam and Robin promised to nurture shaped Olivia’s life. She grew up in a family strongly rooted in Christ’s love.
“My parents have always instilled the values of faith and the values of following the Lord,” she says. “We grew up going to church, and I went to a Christian school.”
Olivia graduated high school and went on to study veterinary science at North Carolina State University. It was after her sophomore year in college that she knew it was time to meet her birth mom.
“God laid it on my heart that I was ready,” she says.
With Olivia’s family by her side, they traveled from their hometown of Rocky Mount to Noelle’s home in Clemmons. Tears ran down Noelle’s face as she prepared to lay eyes on the daughter she had not seen since giving birth to her more than two decades earlier, when Noelle was only 16. The two fell into an immediate embrace in the middle of Noelle’s driveway.
“It was amazing,” Olivia shares. “It was like I had known her all my life.”
“Our families together is like a big hug from God,” Noelle says. “Robin and Sam have been such loving parents to Olivia.”
Olivia and Noelle’s bond has only grown deeper since the day they met.
“We’re very close,” Olivia says. “We text pretty much every day. We’ll talk on the phone. I’ll spend the weekend with her and her family.”
For Olivia, her story is also inseparable from the ministry that helped bring her family together. She recognizes the important role BCH’s Christian Adoption Services played. “Without them, I wouldn’t have a story like this where I have great parents, I have a great birth mom, and we were able to be reunited.”
As Olivia reflects on her journey, she sees a much bigger picture of what it means to be a family. “Family doesn’t just mean blood. Family is love. And that’s something that my parents and my family have always had for me,” Olivia shares. “Now being connected with Noelle and her family, it’s just love that really connects us all and makes us a family.”
Common questions about adoption
What is a semi-open adoption?
In a semi-open adoption, the birth mother and the adoptive family share updates, letters and special gifts, but those are mediated through the agency rather than exchanged directly. Noelle and the Bowlings agreed to a semi-open adoption, which let them stay connected while keeping some privacy.
How does a birth mother choose an adoptive family?
Families approved to adopt put together a profile album with information and photos about themselves. A birth mother reviews those albums and chooses. It was the Bowlings’ profile album that first captured Noelle’s attention and led her to choose them as Olivia’s forever family.
What support does a birth mother receive?
Christian Adoption Services provides support and counseling throughout the process. Noelle made an adoption plan for her unborn daughter with the help of CAS staff. “From the get-go, they were loving and caring and understanding,” she said.
Can an adopted child meet their birth mother later?
Often yes, when everyone involved agrees and the child is ready. Olivia grew up knowing her adoption story, and met Noelle two years ago after her sophomore year of college. “God laid it on my heart that I was ready,” she said.
What is Christian Adoption Services?
Christian Adoption Services is a ministry of BCH. CAS works directly with Christian couples who desire to be adoptive parents, and comes alongside birth mothers like Noelle as they consider options and choose a family for their child. You can learn more at christianadopt.org.
How do I start the adoption process?
Visit our adoption page to learn how BCH and Christian Adoption Services walk with birth mothers and adoptive families, or pray with us for the families in the middle of this process today.
